


When You Look Away

by whateverhappens



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Paralysis, Team TARDIS, and so does yaz, ryan is the softest sweetest boy, thasmin, the doctor is one big ball of angst but we still love her
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 18:00:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19750897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whateverhappens/pseuds/whateverhappens
Summary: Each gentle touch was like a calming wave that washed over her; not enough to drown out the pain, but just enough to push her through it.When Yaz is injured trying to save a lost creature, she wakes to find the Doctor dwelling on the reality that could've been.





	When You Look Away

**Author's Note:**

> I've been struggling with a bit of writer's block for my current multi-chapter, so I apologize for the delay in an update on that. 
> 
> Not entirely sure what this is and it's hardly been proofread, but I just needed to feel the satisfaction of finishing something.

Yaz coughed out strangled breaths as an unfamiliar world came swimming back into focus. One of her hands twitched against the metal grate beneath her, desperate for something to hold onto as a searing pain smothered the base of her neck and spread to her chest. The present was a muddled, hazy mess, and every attempt to recall the moments before this one were obscured by new spasms and aches making themselves known.

She wanted to sit up to make sense of her surroundings, but her limbs felt like they had melded into the ground. Instead, she settled for flitting her eyes around lazily, taking in what details she could. Everything was still swirling and blurry, but she could make out a clear ceiling above her. It revealed a blazing sky of orange and red cut by jagged streaks of golden clouds, but she couldn’t remember whether the sun was rising or setting. To her right, she saw what seemed to be a labyrinth of steel columns with cool, flickering lights receding into darkness. To her left, she heard the drone of large machinery coupled with the sizzle of frenzied sparks spitting out of it.

Almost instantly, she became aware of the burns scorching her temples. When she lifted her hands to assess the damage, her heart sank as she found that her right arm wouldn’t budge. She struggled against herself, mustering every last drop of energy to raise it, but it lay still at her side. She felt her chest tighten and breaths grow heavy until a distinct northern accent pulled her from her panic.

_“Yaz!”_

The fact that she could make out any words beyond the violent heartbeat throbbing in her skull seemed like a miracle. As the frantic steps grew near, she forced her eyes as open as she could, just in time to see a blurred figure kneel beside her. Messy, blonde hair spilled down from the woman’s head and Yaz could see crimson streaks marking her own face.

“Yaz! It’s me, the Doctor. Can you hear me?” 

“Mhmm…” she groaned, followed by a sharp sigh of relief on the Doctor’s part. A reluctant hand came to rest on her shoulder, but Yaz hissed at the pressure and tears began stinging her eyes. “Please…” she begged. “Everything hurts…”

“ _Sorry!_ Sorry...” the Doctor blurted out, jerking her hand back immediately. She sat studying her for a moment, trying to steady her thoughts long enough to formulate a plan. “Right,” she continued. “We need to get you back to the TARDIS. Quickly. Any chance you can walk?”

“N—no...Can’t move my arm…”

“What? You can’t?” Though she tried to hide it, Yaz could hear the worry staining her voice. She half-opened her mouth to respond when more voices in the distance cut her off.

“She alright, Doc?” one called out. This one was deeper, younger, and Yaz knew it had to be Ryan. 

“She’s awake. That’s the most important thing,” the Doctor answered, sounding more like she was trying to convince herself than anyone else. She fumbled in her coat pocket and pulled out her sonic. A familiar hum trilled in the air as she waved it over the length of Yaz’s body and held it up to analyze the readings.

“Blimey, that really threw her back,” another voice added with an aged rasp that she recognized as Graham.

“What’s wrong with her eye?” Ryan asked once he reached them, his tone heavy with concern.

“What…?” Yaz managed through a strained moan. The woman looked down and cautiously brushed strands of dark hair out of her face. Each gentle touch was like a calming wave that washed over her; not enough to drown out the pain, but just enough to push her through it.

“Your right eyelid is drooping,” she said softly. “The connection was telepathic, so I think the explosion might’ve blocked some of the signals your brain’s trying to send. I won’t know for sure until we can get you to the med bay.” The Doctor’s eyes broke away to turn toward Ryan. “She can’t walk. D’you reckon you could carry her?”

He gave a serious nod and bent down beside her.

“Gently. She’s in a lot of pain,” the Doctor said as he slid his hands under her head and legs. He scooped her up, faltering only slightly when she let out another loud groan. Her chest convulsed with sporadic breaths as he settled her in his arms, doing his best to make every maneuver as painless as possible.

“The TARDIS should be just ‘round that corner on the left,” the Doctor stated, pointing down a large corridor that Yaz couldn’t be bothered to notice. She carefully repositioned Yaz’s arm so it rested on her body instead of swinging limply at her side.

“Hang in there, Yaz,” Ryan whispered.

“Yeah, we’ve got you, love,” Graham reassured, finding his place at Ryan’s side.

“Let’s get moving. Before those blokes catch up and find out what we did,” the Doctor said, running her hand through Yaz’s hair again—though no more strands had fallen in her face.

Yaz plastered her eyes shut and gritted her teeth, doing what she could to keep her crying to a minimum as they began walking. Ryan kept his steps light, but every burn and ache was still amplified each time his foot hit the ground. The crackle of the sparks faded as they advanced down the corridor, leaving only the dismal whir of the structure to fill the silence. 

When they turned the corner, Yaz let out a shaky sigh of relief. She peeked her eyes open to see that they were nearing a blue police box and felt a familiar sense of comfort just being near it. As they reached the ship, the doors swung open unprompted and the Doctor stepped inside, waving the boys in after her. Another anguished whine escaped Yaz when Ryan stepped through the doorway. The Doctor’s head snapped to the woman curled up helplessly in his arms, and Ryan swore he could see a little piece break inside her break each time she heard Yaz cry.

“I need to get the TARDIS settled somewhere safer,” she said, shifting her focus back to the console in the middle of the room. “Ryan, she’ll show you the way to the med bay. Just follow the lights on the walls. Graham, I need you to stay and help me navigate. Want to make this flight as smooth as we can.”

“Follow the lights. Got it,” Ryan echoed, wasting no time as he passed the console. Yaz could make out the warm, blinking bokeh of hexagonal lights glowing on the walls as they entered the hallway. The ground began to shake after a few wheezes from the ship’s engine. Ryan struggled to keep his footing as they flew through the vortex, stumbling every few steps and stirring more wimpers from Yaz. “Sorry,” he said guiltily. “Never been good at keeping steady.”

“S’okay,” Yaz gasped as he staggered into a wall. He pushed on, taking the increased pace of the blinking lights as a sign that they were close. After a few moments, he approached a door waiting open on their left and lumbered inside.

The ship wheezed again as it settled onto new ground, affording him enough stability to reach a white cot along the far wall. More sobs wracked Yaz’s body as he lowered her onto it, muttering apologies under his breath. He was relieved to see the Doctor bolt through the door almost instantly, with Graham trailing closely behind.

“How is she? Still awake?” the Doctor asked urgently.

“M’awake...” Yaz murmured, but the weakness in her voice told them that wouldn’t be the case for much longer.

“You’re amazing, you are,” the Doctor smiled softly, resting her hand on Yaz’s and gliding her thumb across her palm. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of this—of you.”

Though she couldn’t feel the hand tangled with hers, Yaz felt the frenzy in her mind dissipate at the touch. She saw the hand slip away as the Doctor set about frantically rummaging through some nearby cabinets. Ryan and Graham settled in at her side, calmly gushing sweet reassurances above the clatter. Still, the Doctor’s words rang in her ears like an unspoken permission to rest and her eyes rolled back as an overwhelming darkness freed her from her senses.

_________________

She felt the air first—stale and uncomfortably still—before being reunited with the scorching pain that somehow managed to plague every inch of her body. A moan scraped its way up her throat and she arched her back under crunchy sheets, attempting to gain some sort of relief.

“Yaz?” a gentle voice roused her further. She drooped her head in its direction and slowly let her eyes fall open. For the first time, her vision came fully into focus, with no blurred figures or trailing movements there to disorient her. She saw the Doctor clear as day, sitting in a rigid chair at her side, eyes wide as a million emotions flashed through them. 

Yaz glanced around for a moment, surveying where she was now that she could properly take in the details. The room was exactly what she would have expected: sleek, metallic, and sterile all wrapped in cool shades of blue. Her eyes fixed on the Doctor again, trying to sort through the jumble of questions in her mind.

“Where are the boys?” Her voice was still weak and scratchy, but the Doctor looked overwhelmed by relief at the sound.

“Sleeping,” she answered gently. “They stayed up all night helping and keeping you company. Made them get some rest once you were stable.”

“Am I...better?” she asked reluctantly, trying lifting her arm again only to find it still cemented at her side.

“Not yet, I’m afraid. I’ve got you hooked up to a line of paratisol right now. Should get your brain back up to snuff in communicating with the rest of your body, but it takes some time depending on how severe the blockage is. Gave you something for the pain, too, but I’m guessing it’s worn off by the sound you just made. Hang on, let me fix that.” Yaz caught a glimpse of the sadness in her eyes as she shot up from her chair and dug through a drawer. She returned with a small syringe, wearing an apologetic frown as she hooked it up to the IV in her arm.

“Sorry, this’ll probably sting.” 

Yaz nodded and winced at the burn of the substance being forced into her veins. “You’re like, a proper Doctor right now,” she joked, trying to mask the pain. The woman set the empty syringe aside, shaking her head and laughing under her breath.

“Glad I could live up to the name,” she quipped, offering a lopsided smile as she settled back into her chair, scooting it closer. The medicine worked swiftly and Yaz melted into her pillow as a blissful warmth enveloped her. She rolled her eyes back, sighing and giggling at the relief. A knot tightened in her chest when she opened them again and noticed the small gashes on the Doctor’s face.

“What happened to you?”

The Doctor’s eyes narrowed. “What?”

“Your face. Those cuts.”

“You don’t remember?”

She shook her head timidly.

“You were brilliant. That’s what happened.”

“I—I don’t know what that means…” she said awkwardly.

“Well, we were going to pop by the planet Vero, so I could show you lot the Untouched Valley. Beautiful place—has the most diverse, thriving ecosystem in the galaxy,” the Doctor explained. “ _But,_ the TARDIS rerouted us to somewhere else on Vero. Still not sure of exactly where, but we found a crashed poaching ship and an upset Krexel roaming about. It took me by surprise because Krexels don’t inhabit that planet. They’re normally peaceful creatures, but the atmospheric anomalies were stressing it out. It was on the defense and saw us as a threat. Well—“ she chuckled softly, fingers grazing a cut on her cheek, “everyone except for you.”

_“Me?”_

“Mhmm. We were trying to track it and had to split off. You found it after it wandered into a trap the poachers had set to catch it again. The poor thing was terrified and lashing out, but you freed it. We patched up an old warp to send it back home, but we needed a telepathic connection to know where that was. You were the only one it trusted, the only one it would let in. It worked, but one of the circuits blew right after and you took a nasty blow from the explosion.”

“So, that’s why my head feels like it’s on fire.”

The Doctor nodded solemnly, her eyes lost ahead of her. “I’m sorry, Yaz. Surely there was another way to send it back. A safer one.” 

“But...it worked out, right? The Krexel got home and I’ll be okay.”

“Yeah, barely. But I shouldn’t have put that on you at all. There was too much at stake. You could’ve lost your mobility or memories or...we could’ve lost _you..._ ”

“But you _didn’t._ I’m here and alive and on my way to well. We did the right thing. I knew what I was agreeing to, Doctor. And I trust you.”

“I know you do.” Her voice was quiet and small as her eyes flickered to the ground. “And I worry, one day, that might just be what kills you.”

“Oi, would you quit that already?”

She whipped her head back up, brows knitted tightly. “Quit what?”

“The whole cryptic thing. You do it every time; get really serious and go all quiet right before you’re about to say something important. It drives me mad.”

“I...didn’t realize…” The Doctor’s voice trailed off as the confused look on her face sunk into a frown. She slung her head down like a guilty child and shifted awkwardly in her seat. Yaz’s felt her eyes soften at the sight.

“You act like we don’t see you when you look away,” she continued, treading gently. “I just wish you wouldn’t stop yourself when it seems like it really matters.”

The Doctor gulped and sucked in a deep breath, willfully meeting her gaze again. “I’ve lost people, Yaz. Good people. The kind who help creatures who want to hurt them and risk everything to get them home. People who put far too much faith in me...and I—I failed them. I just—” 

She leaned in close and wrapped her hand protectively around Yaz’s. 

“I can’t fail you, too.” 

Yaz studied her for a moment, letting the words settle into her chest. Finally, she bit down a groan and raised her good hand to meet the Doctor’s cheek, softly stroking her thumb over one of the healing wounds.

“Hey, I’m not going anywhere, alright? It was our decision to stay after you told us we wouldn’t always be safe. I chose this, Doctor. I chose you.”

The Doctor’s lips curled into a muted smile. “You must be rubbish at decisions then,” she joked, but Yaz didn’t think it sounded much like one. 

“I said I trust you,” she repeated, her voice stern and serious. “I never said I don’t trust myself, too.”

“Right,” the Doctor grinned sheepishly. “Good.” 

Her gaze fell down to her hand, which was still draped over Yaz’s. She pulled it away, awkwardly wringing her neck before plopping it back down on the cot. 

“Sorry, I forget you can’t feel that.”

“Don’t be sorry. I can.”

Her head shot up instantly, eyes beaming with hope. “Really?”

“I mean, not actually,” Yaz admitted. “Not yet, at least.” 

She gave a warm smile, moving her good hand so it came to rest on the Doctor’s again. 

“But yeah, I still feel it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed <3


End file.
